My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
