he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.