I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.