Swine flu. Run for my life!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
