Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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