Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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