im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.