I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl