so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.