this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again