The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?