i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.