dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize