FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
