Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.