We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.