why didn't you poke me back
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.