The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the day after is always just damage control
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.