cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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