Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
