My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize