just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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