I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
