I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize