I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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