i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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