we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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