Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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