They should really pass out barf bags in church
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize