is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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