I just pynch a tree in the face
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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