weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
