how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
