You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
