Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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