That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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