Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.