i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for