well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is