I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he thought i was a dude.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha