Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet