Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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