ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday