dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.