dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
farters have to be the big spoon...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science