Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.