Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!