saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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