It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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