is your mom at the bar?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.