so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume