How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers