I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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