the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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