I have demons in me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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