Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
