**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
