If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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