the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
