Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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