So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
