Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
