she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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