Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
