Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.