I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night