Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
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Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?