Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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