We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.