I wish I could punch you in the face.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
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I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.