so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i now understand why vodka
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...