ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You made out with two different species that night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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