Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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